True Gratitude and Growth

Sometimes I cannot help but stop and look around at my life. It is times like this when I am able to stop and breathe, and I am filled with true gratitude for all that the Lord has given me. The best thing about birthdays is getting to talk to everyone! So, even though I should have been doing lesson planning, I was on the phone for most of the night with people in Minnesota, Virginia, Nevada (that's just my immediate family), Texas, Indiana, Colorado, and Costa Rica!!! Technology is a beautiful thing... for more reasons than one.

This past year was a crazy one, mostly one of growth. I don't consider twenty-two years to be very many to have been on this planet. But, I did catch myself in the mirror today and was fairly pleased with what He's been up to in that short amount of time, especially recently. Within the last year, the Lord has really been working in my life, in my heart. I especially have a fresh perspective on some of the relationships in my life. I truly cherish those who He has brought into my life both at Morris, through the People of Praise, and also from other areas of my life. They keep me in check, in perspective, balanced. I always have a number of people who I can talk to at any time about anything. The Lord has blessed me immensely in the last two months as well through my roommates in El Paso. We've known each other for a few years and had all of our classes together for the past two years in the El Ed Program. But, I never expected it to be going as well as it has been. It was immediate, no akward period of adjustment or anything. It's odd though because I realize these months here will provide us with a bond, but it doesn't mean that we're going to be great friends or even stay that close after graduation. I'm sure we'll keep in touch in terms of teaching, and I'll think of them often... but you know what I mean.

That is one thing that I have been thinking more about recently, which I should have been expecting. There was a time near the end of my senior year of Trinity that I realized that I would not stay in touch with everyone from our small class of 55. This was a hard realization because I had kind of fallen / put into the role of "class organizer" -> the one who knew everyone, where they were going to college, most of their birthdays and middle names, their possible majors, one of the seniors on yearbook, etc... I am the only class representative for our class, I'll coordinate things in the future. I think that because of this, I held onto people for longer than many do. For the first two years of college, I stayed in touch with most of my class and would give the "Christmas / Summer updates" to people. I've gotten away from that in recent years to a certain extent. I still really value these people and it is truly my pleasure to serve them by being a link between them and Trinity.

I guess I have been realizing the value of relationships being two-sided. They have to be two-way streets. I don't want to have to put all of the effort into my friendships. There has to be a mutual commitment to something or someone for it to work. I've been realizing that I shouldn't feel bad about not putting myself through the agony of exhausting myself over things like this. I'm not giving up, I'm not going to change who I am, who I love, or what I value. However, I've had to convince myself that sometimes people float in and out of our lives, it is natural. It's a hard reality to swallow, but as a result of the choices that we make, it is true... it is what we choose, all of us. And I'm OK with that now.

And that is one reason why I love my life in the People of Praise. It is how I am choosing to live. It is what I am inviting others to live with me. It is who I am choosing to live it with. Won't you join us?