Thin Line between Trust and Mistrust

We went on a field trip today called "Kids, Kows, and More" it was pretty fun to experience with them and an amazingly gorgeous day outside. (I even got my first sunburn of the year... gotta' love this complexion!) :) It's funny to come from Morris, the land where cows live next to the football fields and horse stables. Some of these kids had never been that close to cows before! I don't think I had realized how much I actually know about agriculture while being a city girl. I guess that happens when Mom grew up on a farm, Grandpa Bell raised hogs and other animals, my uncle Larry still farms in Iowa, my uncle Mark has an acreage with horses and and hay crops in Washington, and 3 of my cousins (Mike, Bill, and Tony) run their own Millenkamp Cattle Company. I guess going to Morris helps, too.

As I have mentioned before, I have started to really bond with some of my students. Some of my boys who like to cause a stir are actually the same ones who have been working their ways into my heart. The thing about bonding with students when I'm only gonna' be here for 2 more weeks is that I get attached. Because I have emotionally invested in my kids, it sometimes gets complicated. I trust them through that bond, but today that was tested. I found out at lunch today that two of my favorite boys apparently beat up another boy from a different section of 4th grade. Obviously I was upset to hear this and surprised nothing had been mentioned. So, I casually asked one of the offenders if anything happened after school. "No." "There's not anything you want to talk about or tell me?" (confused look) "No. Why, what happened?" "I heard that there may have been a confrontation between you, Alfonso, and another kid." "What, like we jumped him?" "I'm not accusing you of anything. I just wanted to know your side. I'm trusting you and would really hate to find out that you weren't telling me the truth." I left it at that for then.

The 3 boys involved talked to one of the other teachers after school and I guess that the accuser (one who had a bloody nose) started changing his story. "Maybe it wasn't them... I don't remember..." When I heard this, I guess there should have been some relief, but I was equally upset just in a different way. There are mixed stories being told, but the accuser is not the most trust-worthy. I guess we'll just see how it pans out. But I was upset because throughout the day I was flirting with that thin line between trust and mistrust. I wanted to trust my boys, this other kid impacted me, and I started to cross that line. However, I was immediately relieved that I never formally accused them of anything. Keep your head at all times, be fair, listen to all stories, and trust your gut I guess.

I made sure that I talked to my boys about it before they left for the day. They're not incapable of doing what they were accused of and I was concerned that their anger may tempt them to retaliate. I talked to one of them at length about how he deals with anger and what should be done. I expressed concerns about how some of the boys joke about beating people up or getting into prison. "You're so much better than that. You are above that kind of behavior. I know that and you know that, but you need to show them that, ok?" So I told him to have a good night, not to let his anger get the best of him, and I would see him tomorrow. I "gave him a pound" (knocking fists) and sent him on his way. I was still upset, but doing ok. All in a day's work.

I guess this somewhat minor situation just got me thinking about trust and mistrust in general. I want to be able to trust my students and those who I surround myself with in life, simple as that. However I also realized that who I trust lies in my own hands. Yes, we're obviously impacted by other people's actions. But when it comes down to it, I make the decision of who I am going to trust.
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Update as of 3/9/07:
Nothing has really come of this confrontation as far as discipline or other academic affairs go. When talking to the boys about what should be done, they said that they were just not going to hang out with this kid any more. Good plan!

One of my other students reported to me today that there was a near confrontation between the younger brother of the accuser (from the other class) and one of the accused (Angel, the one I talked to at length about being above such things). I guess that this kid was basically trying to pick a fight / taunt Angel before school this morning. But what did Angel do? He continually ignored him and kept walking away from the situation. Way to go, little man! There's one of my first good examples of what I can teach these kids beyond the classroom.